you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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