just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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