I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
