I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
