We're like a lot better than the average bears
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
