what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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