I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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