There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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