who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
