I wanna bring you to show and tell
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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