you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
