So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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