I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
