and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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