Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
