Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
