I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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