I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
