just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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