you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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