We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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