White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
