so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
