my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
