only if we run a train.
done.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
