People with herpes should wear stickers.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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