I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
