maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
