Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't turn off my feet"
I AM VODKA MAN
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
