I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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