Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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