i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's always time for handjobs
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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