literally had 100 drinks last night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
