I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
being pregnant is like rehab
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
