every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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