The maid of honor just puked.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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