We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
