if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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