She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
