you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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