Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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