To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
