Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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