don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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