nut hugger
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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