the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
