I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
