i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
