That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
