he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
