$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
then he tried to convert me to islam
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
