someone get that fucking seahorse.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
