i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
