Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
