so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
